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Religion & Philosophy Discuss You Are To Blame... at the General Discussion; Originally Posted by Billo_Really You can control your responses; controlling your reactions, is a different matter. You can control reactions ...

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Old 08-13-2011, 09:16 PM
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Default Re: You Are To Blame...

Originally Posted by Billo_Really View Post
You can control your responses; controlling your reactions, is a different matter. You can control reactions that you are aware (and concious) of, but there are many un-concious reactions that you are not aware of and, therefore, have no control over.
I am referring to autonomic nervous system responses, not deliberate conscious responses.
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  #202 (permalink)  
Old 08-14-2011, 02:26 PM
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Default Re: You Are To Blame...

Originally Posted by lackluster View Post
Let me try to illustrate what several people have people have been trying to get across to those who refuse to listen. I will make it personal as all get up.

My wife told me recently that she wants a divorce. She wants to move in the boy she met when he was 18 and she was 35 -- the one who has been "just a friend", but who she talks of in terms of "our last night together" when she posts pics of the two of them together at a bar late at night after I had fallen asleep. Yeah, that one.

Did I go out and shoot them? No. Did I post nasty comments on her myspace page? No. I had control over these ACTIONS. What I didn't have control over were my REACTIONS, as my whole limbic system pretty much went in to overdrive as I spent several weeks with no appetite, little, if any attention span, sudden onset of heart murmers and feelings of vertigo. These were reactions I couldn't control, as these were perfectly natural responses to the emotional trauma. Believe me - I would have loved to not be experiencing all that, but try as I might, I simply could not control myself in such a way so as to stop these reactions. I am human, and that is the sort of thing that happens to humans.

First off, No one said a damn thing about any feelings or reactions being abnormal or unnatural.

Secondly, you feel the way you do because your beliefs, your thoughts, and your perception of the situation. Those are all things you can change.

Of course you could change how you feel and your reactions to it. And you will, eventually. We all do. Those who do not, hopefully seek therapy.

They say "time heals all wounds". That's ****ing bull****. Time doesn't do a goddamn thing. It's completely external and in no way connected to our bodies or feelings. What "heals" our wounds is US. We change. Our perspective about the event changes. Our beliefs regarding the event changes. Our thoughts about the event change. That's what "heals all wounds". That's us controlling our feelings by changing our beliefs, perspective, and thoughts about it. And those who do not do that, those who continue to dwell in the pain, those who do not control it, are thought of as abnormal and often require therapy to help them control and change their feelings if those feelings are adversely affecting their lives.

You may think you have no control, but you do. And eventually you will exert it. And if you don't on your own, I hope you get the help you need to do so.

Lastly, you said you controlled yourself so that you didn't go do harm to the man. Well, if you'd read the thread, you'd see that someone else in this thread was saying that kind of reaction would not be the responsibility of the one who did it. In other words, they think that if you did go harm the man, it wouldn't be your fault or your responsibility because we "can't control our reactions". Here you've said the exact opposite. Glad to see you at least came half-way to the truth.

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