Now that's funny!

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Salty

THANKSGIVING MENUS AND TIPS

A GREAT PLACE TO SHOP

Cop pulls a guy over and asks "Have you been drinking, sir?"...

The guy responds "Why?...Is there a fat chick in the passenger seat?"...

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"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd

Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and an Israeli commando were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili."

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili.

Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Katie Couric said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."

The terror leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the soldier."

"What?" asked the leader? "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Israeli.

So the leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the ass.

The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire.

In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the soldier was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?"

"What?" replied the Israeli, "and have you two assholes report that I was the aggressor?!

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"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race come about?'

The mother answered: 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.'

Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: 'Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.'

The confused girl returns to her mother and says: 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Dad says we developed from monkeys?'

The mother answers: 'Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.'

This is a dirty joke so if you are offended by sexual contenet don't read further.

A man is prepairing to have sex with his wife. As he sits on the edge of the bed putting on a condom. Right then his young son opens the bedroom door. The man quickly drops to his knees and pretends to be looking under the bed. "What are you doing dad?" says the the boy. Thinking quickly the father says. "I thought I saw a mouse run under this bed". The boy says "What are you gonna do screw it?"

When do Chinese people go to the dentist...

2:30 (toof-hurty)...

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"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you're first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?" Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy''s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy''s father said, "I'm actually an attorney, but how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Michigan and I'm driving the salt truck!"

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http://thecourier.typepad.com/rightonthemark/

"To educate a man in mind but not in morals is to educate a menace to society." --- Theodore Roosevelt

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' Then he hung up.

Within five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'

George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'

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http://thecourier.typepad.com/rightonthemark/

"To educate a man in mind but not in morals is to educate a menace to society." --- Theodore Roosevelt

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http://thecourier.typepad.com/rightonthemark/

"To educate a man in mind but not in morals is to educate a menace to society." --- Theodore Roosevelt