How careers end...

Lawyers are disbarred.

Ministers are defrocked.

Electricians are delighted.

Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented.

Drunks are distilled.

Alpine climbers are dismounted.

Piano tuners are unstrung.

Orchestra leaders are disbanded.

Artists' models are deposed.

Cooks are deranged.

Dressmakers are unbiased.

Nudists are redressed.

Office clerks are defiled.

Mediums are dispirited.

Programmers are decoded.

Accountants are discredited.

Holy people are disgraced.

Pastry chefs are deserted.

Perfume makers are dissented.

Butterfly collectors are debugged.

Students are degraded.

Electricians are refused.

Bodybuilders are rebuffed.

Underwear models are debriefed

Painters are discolored.

Spinsters are dismissed.

Judges are disappointed.

Vegas dealers are discarded.

Mathematicians are discounted.

Tree surgeons disembark.

Describe professions
What does your profession say about you?

1. MARKETING - You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES - Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree." You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3. TECHNOLOGY - Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4. ENGINEERING - One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergo dynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."

5. ACCOUNTING - The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6. HUMAN RESOURCES - Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT - Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT - (See above - Same sign, different title)

9. CUSTOMER SERVICE - Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10. CONSULTANT - Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11. RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" - As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO - You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.

13. GOVERNMENT WORKER - Paid to take days off. Government workers are genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job... Thus the term "GO POSTAL"

Tell me this doesn't at least make you smile...
(If it's not your kid...)

Since I can oh so easily imagine this being my child, I'm more inclined toward

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

> > BARACK OBAMA:> The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

> > JOHN McCAIN:> My friends; that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of theroad.


> > HILLARY CLINTON:> When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure-- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't aboutme.

>> DR. PHIL:> The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize thathe must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road beforeitgoes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need todo is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

>> OPRAH:> Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which iswhy he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chickenlearn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'mgoing to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across theroad and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

>> GEORGE W. BUSH:> We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We justwant to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. Thechicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here

> > COLIN POWELL:> Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satelliteimage of the chicken crossing the road...> > > ANDERSON COOPER:> We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have notyet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

> > JOHN KERRY:> Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am nowagainst it! It
was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about thechicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

> > NANCY GRACE:> That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

> > PAT BUCHANAN:> To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

> > MARTHA STEWART:> No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. Ihad a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when theprice dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insiderinformation.

> > DR SEUSS:> Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not beentold.

> > ERNEST HEMINGWAY:> To die in the rain. Alone.

> > GRANDPA:> In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

> > BARBARA WALTERS:> Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listeningto the Chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of howit> experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplishits lifelong dream of crossing the road.

> > ARISTOTLE:> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

> > JOHN LENNON:> Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together,in peace.

> > BILL GATES:> I have just released eChicken2007, which will
not only crossroads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balanceyour check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken.This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

> > ALBERT EINSTEIN:> Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road movebeneath the chicken?

> > BILL CLINTON:> I did not cross the road or any road with THAT chicken> , or any other chickens.

> > AL GORE:> I invented the chicken!

> > COLONEL SANDERS:> Damn! I missed one?


> > DICK CHENEY:> Where's my gun?

> > AL SHARPTON:> Was the chicken white? I bet it was, why are all the chickens white? We need more black chickens.

JOHN EDWARDS:> That chick is not mine! I'm willing to take a test.

__________________
"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd

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Salty

THANKSGIVING MENUS AND TIPS

A GREAT PLACE TO SHOP

McCain's Voice Mail to Palin Leaked to Press (Listen) - 236 - The Room

I thought the title of this thread was "A GOOD joke one if you have a good one"...

That makes your post off-topic...

__________________
"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd