Ah--okay. I get it...

I had this, um, friend once that drank so much that her--I mean his--roommate had to literally babysit the aftermath.

A certain rather strong and colorful (and easily contextually misunderstood) phrase got overheard. (I understand the word "knees" was involved.) I--oops! Not me, heh heh--my friend was semi-famous on campus after that event. My friend was elevated to celebrity status on the dorm floor as per my friend's roommate.

I was embarrassed for her, I mean him.

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So Saturday night was my boyfriend's company Christmas party. The big boss at their property is a preacher's wife and she is very conservative where the alcohol is concerned. She let's herself have a Corona once a year and that's it. So things at the party were pretty tame...until she left. Then the maintenance crew pulled out a triple pack of Patron that was bought at Costco. There's where things went downhill.

Tequila shot after tequila shot served in wine glasses because no one brought shot glasses. All three fifths of Patron are gone within 30 minutes. Granted, it was between about 15 people, but still...that's a lot of tequila especially when the shots aren't that exact. Throw in there 2 cases of Corona and 1 case of budweiser and we got a problem. Now throw in another fifth of Patron bought from the liquor store around the corner. That's where I made my exit for fear that someone was gonna end up either naked, hurling on someone else, or possibly a combination of both. I just didn't want to see that.

So I am sitting on the couch playing Call of Duty, a military type first shooter. Joshua comes in without his shirt on and sits on the couch for about 5 minutes before complaining that the motion on the screen is making him sick. Then he goes upstairs and I hear some praying to Ralph going on, which I just left him to because that's a private sort of thing. Or at least it should be. Then the shower comes on and I think to myself, sure, he's got to be ok if he can think to get himself in a shower.

So I sit and play Call of Duty for about another hour and a half and think to myself if Josh has gone to bed, why is the shower still running? Oh, he's really drunk, must have left it on. So I run upstairs to turn the shower off and there I find Josh lying in the floor of the shower, fully clothed, lips blue because the hot water must have run out long ago, and (everybody's favorite kind of drunk) crying. Like a little bitch. I mean face all puffed up, full on snotty nose, barely coherent crying. And in his blubbering I hear something about "Charlie coming through the jungle" and "They but bamboo splinters under our nails, joey!!! Why did they leave us in that hole". He is so drunk he is laying in the shower, with all his clothes on, cold as a witch's tit in a brass bra, and having a Vietnam flashback. He's 24 years old.

Some combination of the game he saw me playing and the tequila gave the kid PTSD for a night. The whole time I was fighting him into bed and to drink some water I just took comfort that my aggravation was nothing compared to the hang-over he still had to face the next morning.

And all this happened before 10 PM.

My, you are uninhib--- I mean...You have uninhibited "friends"...

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"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd

Oh I've been there... and have the scar to prove it. lol

My boyfriend wasn't sober enough to be of any help.

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Sounds like the beginning of a wonderful Christmas ritual...

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"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd

Pretty hard to top that. I think I'll hold back for a bit cause the ones I have are pretty bad (truck drivers or sailors) anecdotes.

A friend of mine (really a friend, too...not me...we call him "Beefy"...you would want to be called "Beefy" too if your last name was "Yerkov")...

I heard this secondhand...

So drunk down the shore that he walked into his rented summerhome and found someone in his bed...He rolled the guy over and passed out next to him...

He woke up the next day realizing he was in the home he rented LAST YEAR!...

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"You get the respect that you give" - cnredd

Oh crap!!! That had to be rather embarassing. I have to wonder how the other guy reacted to that...

So I'm at my best friend's wedding in Toronto a couple years back. Being "the gay" at your best friend's wedding is a singularly unenjoyable experience to start with because you are expected to be her maid of honor in deed rather than word. Not something I really cared to do, but sometimes you just have to suck it up when duty calls. Doesn't hurt too bad when you ply yourself with champagne all day.

So we made it through the wedding, the following dinner, and the reception...and about 3 bottles of champagne along with wine with each course and cocktails during the reception. Then we all went to the Drake for more cocktails where I started drinking with the groom's three brothers. This is where my celebrating turns from sipping as I had been doing since noon (it's now about 10PM) to full on beer guzzling. Trying to keep up with those Canadians is just a bad idea.

Later on that evening, we went back to my friend's condo. How we got there I could not even begin to tell you, but they also managed to haul back three women and convince them to go skinny dipping in the pool on the roof of the condo building. A pool we later discovered had security cameras on it. In any event, everyone decided to go wherever they were going, in pairs, and I just stayed at the pool for a few more minutes. When I went to get my clothes, I realized they were gone. Just gone. Turns out one of the brothers had picked them up along with his jacket. Now here I am, drunk, on the roof of my friend's condo building, and not a stitch on. My guest suite in the building is in another wing with a card access door between me and it. Of course the card is in the pocket of my clothes, wherever they are.

I had to sneak down 12 stories at 5:30AM on a Monday morning. I did this with someone's morning paper wrapped around my middle. Time I got about 4 stories down in the stairway, a guard met me with a sheet and was polite enough to take me back to my suite. They had been watching us and then me on the security cameras the whole time. Needless to say, I was the "butt" of many jokes at the brunch that day.

Many years ago,I along with several friends made plans for a night of drinking and debauchery. We went to one of the most popular bars in the area,the place was jammed as usual and we began with a round of beers,then vodka,then wine then whisky. We were all smashed beyond belief,I had been drunk before but we had been drinking such a variety of drinks,I was approaching embalmment. This was the late 70's,the music was great and women were plentiful and uninhibited. I left a sweet little thang waiting for me at the bar while I went to drain my lizzard.This is the one and only time I passed out,when I woke up I found myself sitting on the toilet and my watch said 4:30 AM. It was dark and quiet in the bar,you could hear a pin drop. The only lighting in the bar was the dim security lighting. Good Lord,Spencer was locked IN and ALONE in the bar! Now remember,I was still pretty smashed but I made it to the door. I pushed on the door but a buzzer started buzzing and I went out into the parking lot. This was the dead of winter and the snow was pretty deep! There was also a chain accros the exit! First I'm locked into the bar now I'm locked into the parking lot! What to do? I did not want to walk back into the bar and call my friends,for all I knew,they were in worse shape than I was in. I got back into my car and noticed a 5 foot snowbank to the right of the chained exit. I floored it and drove straight for the snowbank,I hit the snowbank and became air born just long enough to clear the parking lot.

When I went up and over the snowbank,I just missed a car that was driving by the bar. I will never forget the look on that drivers face! Moral of the story..when you are out for a night of fun stick to a drinking plan. Avoid drinking several types of drinks and never pass out in the can just before the bar closes!

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"Destiny must be shaped and not left to mere chance."..Spencer Collins ..

Remember--I said "contextually misunderstood"--lol. And it didn't help that it was two female voices in a bathroom stall in a women's dorm overheard by one of the resident's boyfriends who was spending the night illegally and just happened to sneak down the hall to use the facilities right then.


This thread is a HOOT!

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