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  #361 (permalink)  
Old 08-11-2018, 09:44 PM
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Old 08-12-2018, 02:52 PM
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Default Re: Oftencold's Memorial Laugh Break

A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."

"WELL!" replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he had a heart attack due to an unknown congenital condition as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?"

"That one was a Democrat", said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
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  #363 (permalink)  
Old 08-12-2018, 08:26 PM
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  #364 (permalink)  
Old 08-12-2018, 11:16 PM
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Old 08-12-2018, 11:36 PM
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Default Re: Oftencold's Memorial Laugh Break

Quote:
Originally Posted by cnredd View Post
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride-to-be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning."

"WELL!" replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he had a heart attack due to an unknown congenital condition as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?"

"That one was a Democrat", said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
Isn't the last line here... "So I'm marrying a lawyer... I know I'm going to get screwed."
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Old 08-13-2018, 06:39 AM
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Default Re: Oftencold's Memorial Laugh Break

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Hope is the dream of the waking man.
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For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.
Job 14:6-8
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  #367 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2018, 05:14 PM
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  #368 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2018, 05:16 PM
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Default Re: Oftencold's Memorial Laugh Break

It's true.

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Old 08-15-2018, 11:55 PM
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  #370 (permalink)  
Old 08-18-2018, 12:06 PM
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Default Re: Oftencold's Memorial Laugh Break

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That one is simple. Either cut off the motor or wait till you run out of fuel. Landing is guaranteed.
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