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Off-Topic, Bizarre, Jokes & Games Discuss 'Twas the Night Before Election at the General Discussion; 'Twas the night before the election And all through the house Every phone it was ringing I yelled at my ...

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Old 11-06-2012, 12:39 AM
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Default 'Twas the Night Before Election

'Twas the night before the election
And all through the house
Every phone it was ringing
I yelled at my spouse

"Get that one for me
I'll get this one for you
If we can handle the onslaught
we might make it through!"

From the look on his face
I knew what it was
He had some campaigner
I could hear the buzz

Of telephone wires
Burning brightly and hot
I want the information
But they should be shot!!

They call at all hours
They disturb even dinner
Each one proclaiming
Their side must be a winner

I listened half heartedly
As my caller began to spiel
"Can we count on your vote?"
More anger I did feel

I finally blew up
On some poor witless toad
It wasn't his fault
That I had reached overload

"Now listen to me"
I said in a shout
"I've had it to here
Listening to you all spout"

"Each one thinks he's right
His man is the savior
While defiling the other
For unorthodox behavior"

"You call us at night
When we are trying to sleep
You don't even breathe
How can we get a peep?"

"I know how to read
I examine the issues
Yet you call every night
To imbed in my tissues"

"You believe you are right
To invade our lives
You say it's important
You are giving me HIVES!"

"Please leave us alone
Call on us no more
Don't bury us with leaflets
Stay away from our door"

"I'm an intelligent woman
My husband is smart
Please trust us to make
Decisions straight from the heart"

The scared caller hung up
As I panted for breath
Someone knocked on the door
It had better be Death!

I rush to the door
Throw it open wide
A sleazy politician
Wedges his foot inside

He looks at my face
Contorted with rage
He takes one step back
And throws me a page

He says "you look bothered
So I'll leave you be
Just remember to vote
Preferably for me"

He fled down the steps
Then looked back with a wink
"Remember my opponent
Had sex with a mink!"

I fall to my knees
And sobs heave my shoulder
They attack from all sides
I think they are bolder

Than they used to be
These campaigners today
But after tomorrow
They will go away

But my husband does smile
As his body draws near
He pats on my cheek
"There'll be another next year"

And so I exclaim
Kneeling there on the floor
"I'm proud to be voting
But campaigners I abhor!!"

"The oldest picture book in our possession is the midnight sky" - E. W. Maunder
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Old 11-06-2012, 01:52 AM
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Default Re: 'Twas the Night Before Election

Twas the night before election
And all through the house
Quiet as a whisper
You could hear a mouse

Wally was smart this year
Adblock on Firefox
Mozilla was kind
Also ditched the cable box

Home phones are ancient
Wireless is where it's at
No ads or no robocalls
No one headed up to bat

Special interests were silent
Campaigns were a-shuttered
Only Wally's smart and crazy brain
Four Lokos for the drunkard

And now its election day
No fears and no jeers in sight
Voting at eight in the morning
Cheers for Barack's win tonight!
"I've known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side." - Donald Trump, on pedophile Jeff Epstein.
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