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Old 04-12-2012, 11:10 AM
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Default Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis





The world of alternative medicine took a major leap forward today as scientists announced they had successfully created an artificial tiger’s cock in their laboratories.

Ground up and ingested by infirm men with more money than trouser-tents, the tiger’s cock has been regarded as a powerful aphrodisiac amongst the superstitious elite for centuries.

Huang Lee led the team of alternative microbiologists who made the breakthrough. ‘It goes without saying that the penis of a powerful, fearsome predator has medicinal properties that we don’t fully understand,’ explained Lee.
‘But harvesting tiger cocks can often be problematic.’

Slow-growing, camouflaged and attached to 500-pound killing machines, tiger cocks are notoriously difficult to get hold of. Dwindling crops and a reluctance to be torn limb-from-limb have lead many farmers to turn to alternative incomes,
such as panda lips, gibbon cheeks or dried-up baby seahorses.

‘We knew modern science could work in harmony with traditional therapies,’ announced Lee.
‘And this synthetic stripy cat johnson shows how far we’ve come.’

Eschewing stem-cells, genetic splicing and artificial tissue production, Lee’s team instead took an alternative approach. ‘Using the principles of Chinese medicine, we looked for something a bit like the thing we wanted to solve.
That’s why we eventually drew veins on a carrot, using biro.’

The technology is in its infancy, but Lee hopes to soon complete the rigorous clinical trials associated with fabricated cures. ‘We’ve registered ‘Tiagra’ as a trade-name, and drawn a rampant big cat on the label, winking and pointing knowingly at his crotch,’ demonstrated Lee.
‘Now we just need to see if it performs as expected.’

Early signs are hinting at a swell in the company’s coffers. ‘I’ve sold a box to a wealthy industrialist who is soft in both heads,’ declared Lee. ‘We just need to wait and see if he’s too embarrassed to ask for his $12,000 back.’


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Old 04-12-2012, 11:12 AM
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Default Re: Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

Female tigers everywhere complained they didn't make it big enough...
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:14 AM
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Default Re: Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

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Female tigers everywhere complained they didn't make it big enough...
That one looks as though it might also make you see better in the dark!
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:15 AM
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Default Re: Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

Are those stripes at inch intervals?
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:21 AM
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Default Re: Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

Blondes are asking where to put the batteries...
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:24 AM
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Default Re: Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

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Are those stripes at inch intervals?
Most likely at quarter inch intervals.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:25 AM
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Default Re: Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

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Blondes are asking where to put the batteries...
Brunettes don't need batteries!!!
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:25 AM
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Default Re: Chinese medics hail world’s first lab-grown tiger’s penis

OMG, I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my thighs.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:27 AM
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OMG, I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my thighs.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:28 AM
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OMG, I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my thighs.
You have very weird eye location...
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