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Off-Topic, Bizarre, Jokes & Games Discuss In Box Jokes.... :-) at the General Discussion; ADULT item... Only because this beauty queen is a Blondy, except not all blonds are this well you decide... This ...

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-02-2011, 06:08 PM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

ADULT item... Only because this beauty queen is a Blondy, except not all blonds are this well you decide...

This is the new Miss Kentucky and I'm sure this picture that will stay with her for the rest of her life:
Make-up and hair style ................... $500

New dress for the show ..................$700

Giant stuffed bear ........................... $300



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Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in her hand .....Priceless!!!
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Old 12-04-2011, 09:57 AM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

Quote of the day:

"'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of it."
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:43 PM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

This one is from my local newspaper and needs no words...

I wasn't able to upload it till 1069 helped me, but I still can't understand the site or make my pictures private like on Photo Bucket..




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Old 12-08-2011, 08:17 PM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

I am not going to include the gifs., as it has been a grueling day for me.

Quote:
The Harley-Davidson Facts



The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise
and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'


God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !


1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension



2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much




4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust



5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!





'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.'
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Old 12-09-2011, 12:28 AM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

Quote:
Originally Posted by mlurp View Post
I am not going to include the gifs., as it has been a grueling day for me.

LMAO!
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Old 12-09-2011, 12:59 AM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AzMike View Post
LMAO!

Heck AzMike, it was one busy day which I will need several days of rest from...

But I got to do it all over tomorrow I just start later than most peope...
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Old 12-15-2011, 06:02 PM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

Enjoy....

Quote:
Some of these are old, some new, always good for a quick laugh. Enjoy!
HOW TO START A FIGHT


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to AAhhhhh.. you know?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started.......

______________________________




My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:31 PM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

My Nam Bro sent me this one...

Quote:
8 Immutable Truths


Number 8
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 5
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years

Number 4
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought:
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- - - and as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."
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Old 12-31-2011, 01:51 PM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

My son in law sent this to me... Take it anyway you like. I love it myself.

Quote:
One day in the future, Barack
> Obama has a heart-attack and
> dies.
> He immediately goes to hell,
> where the devil is waiting for
> him.
> "I don't know what to do here,"
> says the devil. "You are on my
> list, but I have no room for you.
> You definitely have to stay here,
> so I'll tell you what I'm going to
> do. I've got a couple of folks here
> who weren't quite as bad as you.
> I'll let one of them go, but you
> have to take their place. I'll even
> let YOU decide who leaves."
>
> Obama thought that sounded
> pretty good, so the devil opened
> the door to the first room.
>
> In it was Ted Kennedy and a
> large pool of water. Ted kept
> diving in, and surfacing, empty
> handed. Over, and over, and
> over he dived in and surfaced
> with nothing. Such was his fate
> in hell.
>
> "No," Obama said. "I don't think
> so. I'm not a good swimmer, and
> I don't think I could do that all
> day long."
>
> The devil led him to the door of
> the next room.
>
> In it was Al Gore with a sledge-
> hammer and a room full of rocks.
> All he did was swing that hammer,
> time after time after time.
>
> "No, this is no good; I've got
> this problem with my shoulder.
> I would be in constant agony if
> all I could do was break rocks
> all day," commented Obama.
>
> The devil opened a third door.
> Through it, Obama saw Bill
> Clinton, lying on the bed, his
> arms tied over his head, and his
> legs restrained in a spread-eagle
> pose. Bent over him was Monica
> Lewinsky, doing what she does
> best.
>
> Obama looked at this in shocked
> disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah
> man, I can handle this."
>
> The devil smiled and said...........

>
> (This is priceless...)
>
>
>
> "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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Old 01-07-2012, 12:07 PM
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Default Re: In Box Jokes.... :-)

This one isn't a joke.. But why bother looking for a place to post it. You decide if you want a gun free civilian population.

Now those who do crimes will be armed and home invasions are rising.

Subject: FW: Own a firearm? This just takes about seven seconds to vote on this!!!







Own a firearm?

TAKES 7 SECONDS ... PLEASE DO IT AND PASS IT ON
Own a Gun? Please Keep This Moving

Guess they were not happy with the poll results the first time, so USA today is running another one... Vote now

Attorney General, Eric Holder, has already said this is one of his major issues. He does not believe the 2nd Amendment gives individuals the right to bear arms. This takes literally 2 clicks to complete. Please vote on this gun issue question with USA Today. It will only take a few seconds of your time. Then pass the link on to all the pro- gun folks you know. Hopefully these results will be published later this month. This upcoming year will become critical for gun owners with the Supreme Court's accepting the District of Columbia case against the right for individuals to bear arms.
Here's what you need to do:

First - vote on this one.

Second - Send it to other folks and have THEM vote - then we will see if the results get published.

www.USATODAY.com

You will have to search for the poll to vote as it came to me with no 3 w's and I clicked USATODAY and was at the polls. I had to add the 3 w's to get a link.... Sorry
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Last edited by mlurp; 01-07-2012 at 12:24 PM..
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