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Entertainment, Music & Sports Discuss God: I Redirected LA Flood at the General Discussion; KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — At a press conference this week, Larry “God” Schumway told reporters that when a leading ...

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Old 08-20-2016, 11:25 AM
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Default God: I Redirected LA Flood

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — At a press conference this week, Larry “God” Schumway told reporters that when a leading religious leader’s home was severely damaged by the recent flooding in Louisiana that he made an exception to a longstanding heavenly rule against punishing people for their un-Christian behavior with floods. Schumway claims he did so because he “will always be a big lover of irony.”

In the past, Perkins has blamed the Boston marathon bombing on sexual immorality, and has often been a leading voice in anti-equality laws written in state legislatures. Mr. Perkins, in addition to blaming tragedies on the sins of Americans, has also claimed that massive weather events like Hurricane Sandy were acts of God and not in any way related to climate change. God told reporters that Perkins’ “judgmental nature” and his “simple minded view of the Earth’s climate” finally convinced him to let the flood waters damage not just Perkins’ home but his church as well.

“I will always be a big lover of irony,” Schumway told the heavenly press, “and I can’t think of anything more ironic than a climate change denying homophobe who has blamed natural disasters on sinners having his home and church damaged by a flood that is almost certainly worse because of climate change. I’ve always had a penchant for wiping the smugness off of fake Christians’ faces, and nothing is more falsely Christian than sitting in judgment of others to the point of blaming national tragedies on a minority group.”

So, God says, when his son Jesus Hubert Christ proposed they let the flood waters rise high enough to do significant damage to Perkins’ home, he was hesitant but ultimately acquiesced.

“It’s been a long time since I purposefully used a flood to punish people,” God said, “but I figured at least this time I wasn’t wiping out all of humanity. I was just directing the flood toward one singular *******’s home and church.”
Reporters asked God about the other people whose lives were upended or destroyed by the flood. Wasn’t he also punishing them, they asked.

“Oh, no,” God said, “the flood was a natural disaster, exacerbated by climate change. I didn’t create the flood to punish everyone, or even Tony. I just didn’t let a good natural disaster go to waste is all. So I used my God powers to direct the waters into Tony’s home and church. Waste not, want to punish bigots not, I always say.”

Schumway said that he is planning on sending a special gift to Perkins, in order to make up for allowing the flood waters to wreck the conservative’s home.

“I’m sending him a special boat,” Schumway said, “designed just for people like him. That way he can use it to navigate in and around his house. It’s a canoe. Of course, with him in it, it’s a douche canoe.”

God laughed especially hard for a solid thirty seconds at his joke. So did the heavenly reporters. So did all of humanity.
God: I Redirected LA Flood To Tony Perkins' Home Because I'm A 'Big Lover Of Irony'
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Old 08-20-2016, 12:16 PM
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Default Re: God: I Redirected LA Flood

This is from a site called "Modern Liberals', so when you're looking to see who is the most tolerant and not full of hatred, you can scratch this one off of the list...
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Old 08-20-2016, 02:19 PM
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Old 08-20-2016, 04:12 PM
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The hurricane is going to hit New Orleans about the time they start. The timing is, at least it appears now, it will be there Monday. That just demonstrates God is on our side
Now if someone...let's say....A Liberal....gets upset when a religious person says God is doing something for a reason, imagine how they must feel when a Democrat official says it...(crickets)...
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Old 08-29-2016, 04:40 PM
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Default Re: God: I Redirected LA Flood

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Originally Posted by Deckard View Post
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — At a press conference this week, Larry “God” Schumway told reporters that when a leading religious leader’s home was severely damaged by the recent flooding in Louisiana that he made an exception to a longstanding heavenly rule against punishing people for their un-Christian behavior with floods. Schumway claims he did so because he “will always be a big lover of irony.”

In the past, Perkins has blamed the Boston marathon bombing on sexual immorality, and has often been a leading voice in anti-equality laws written in state legislatures. Mr. Perkins, in addition to blaming tragedies on the sins of Americans, has also claimed that massive weather events like Hurricane Sandy were acts of God and not in any way related to climate change. God told reporters that Perkins’ “judgmental nature” and his “simple minded view of the Earth’s climate” finally convinced him to let the flood waters damage not just Perkins’ home but his church as well.

“I will always be a big lover of irony,” Schumway told the heavenly press, “and I can’t think of anything more ironic than a climate change denying homophobe who has blamed natural disasters on sinners having his home and church damaged by a flood that is almost certainly worse because of climate change. I’ve always had a penchant for wiping the smugness off of fake Christians’ faces, and nothing is more falsely Christian than sitting in judgment of others to the point of blaming national tragedies on a minority group.”

So, God says, when his son Jesus Hubert Christ proposed they let the flood waters rise high enough to do significant damage to Perkins’ home, he was hesitant but ultimately acquiesced.

“It’s been a long time since I purposefully used a flood to punish people,” God said, “but I figured at least this time I wasn’t wiping out all of humanity. I was just directing the flood toward one singular *******’s home and church.”
Reporters asked God about the other people whose lives were upended or destroyed by the flood. Wasn’t he also punishing them, they asked.

“Oh, no,” God said, “the flood was a natural disaster, exacerbated by climate change. I didn’t create the flood to punish everyone, or even Tony. I just didn’t let a good natural disaster go to waste is all. So I used my God powers to direct the waters into Tony’s home and church. Waste not, want to punish bigots not, I always say.”

Schumway said that he is planning on sending a special gift to Perkins, in order to make up for allowing the flood waters to wreck the conservative’s home.

“I’m sending him a special boat,” Schumway said, “designed just for people like him. That way he can use it to navigate in and around his house. It’s a canoe. Of course, with him in it, it’s a douche canoe.”

God laughed especially hard for a solid thirty seconds at his joke. So did the heavenly reporters. So did all of humanity.
God: I Redirected LA Flood To Tony Perkins' Home Because I'm A 'Big Lover Of Irony'
It's nice to see that you have become a believer in the holy spirit Deckster.
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Old 08-29-2016, 04:49 PM
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Default Re: God: I Redirected LA Flood

God is responsible for all that happens. Good, Bad, Evil.

Despite the messages from the AGE OF AQUARIUS, there is nothing in the scripture that suggest Eden still exists. Those who redefine God to suit their pleasure are fools or blasphemers. And their ignorance and comments hardly effect Believers.


But, just the same, humility demands that we pray for them, as well as ourselves.
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Old 08-29-2016, 04:50 PM
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Post Re: God: I Redirected LA Flood

Quote:
Originally Posted by cnredd View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrBus8ORR78
Now if someone...let's say....A Liberal....gets upset when a religious person says God is doing something for a reason, imagine how they must feel when a Democrat official says it...(crickets)...
Poe's Law is at play here...
"Poe's law" was originally written by Nathan Poe in 2005, in a post on christianforums.com, an Internet forum about Christianity. The post was written in the context of a debate about creationism, where a previous poster had remarked to another user "Good thing you included the winky. Otherwise people might think you are serious."[4] Poe then replied, "Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is uttrerly [sic] impossible to parody a Creationist in such a way that someone won't mistake for the genuine article."[1] The original statement of Poe's law referred specifically to creationism, but it has since been generalized to apply to any kind of fundamentalism or extremism.[3]
Fowler elaborated and provided the context of those statements, demonstrating that they were NOT intended to be taken seriously and they were satirical reference to Falwell's crap.
He apologized.
Speaking to the Associated Press Sunday, Fowler said his comments were intended to make light of the late Rev. Jerry Falwell's remark that the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 was God's punishment for abortion and homosexuality.

"I don't believe in a God that's vengeful," Fowler said. "I believe in a God that's compassionate."

"This is a point of national concern. I think everybody of good will has great empathy and sympathy for people in New Orleans," Fowler also said. "Most religious people are praying for people in New Orleans. There is no political connotation to this whatsoever. This was just poking fun at Jerry Falwell and the nonsensical thing he had said several years ago."

South Carolina GOP Chairman Katon Dawson sharply criticized Fowler's comments, saying, “The outrageous behavior of two of the Obama campaign's highest profile supporters in the south is despicable, a cynical polarization of life and death. I call on Barack Obama to immediately denounce Fowler and Spratt and demand sincere apologies from these members of the Democratic leadership.”

If the right-wing religious nut stalwarts would come forward and state that they were joking and apologize, wouldn't that put them on equal footing?
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Last edited by foundit66; 08-31-2016 at 12:17 PM..
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Old 08-29-2016, 08:24 PM
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Default Re: God: I Redirected LA Flood

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It's nice to see that you have become a believer in the holy spirit Deckster.
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Old 08-30-2016, 10:47 AM
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You and Lassie are going to hell in a hand basket.
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Old 08-30-2016, 11:43 AM
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You and Lassie are going to hell in a hand basket.
The chances are equal that we get trampled by bigfoot riding a unicorn. But you should go find a safe place, the good lord is likely to burn down or flood your house to teach me a lesson.
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