How to be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation. - Page 5

tristanrobin · #41 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kizzume

What I can't stand is the fact that if one is at a gay establishment or festival or whatever, there is an expectancy of acting that way, because if you don't, you automatically become a self-loathing gay person and won't be given the time of day, according to many people around those places.

That has simply not been my experience. I don't have a flamboyant presentation - and I've always made friends in gay circles.

I have a friend in Portland who went off on a half-an-hour tangent about how he feels the feminine swishy way is superior because it means there are no boundaries--I let him have his speech--I didn't tell him that the boundary he has is masculinity.

LOL - well, we just have very different life experiences. My partner lived in Portland for a long long time ... and he's not remotely swishy. He doesn't badger and say "mother fucker" and make fun of more effeminate gay people - but that's because he's a civilized man, not because he's 'swishy' LOL.

Speaking of which, I often have thought that the flamboyant attitude is not as much about being feminine, but a person putting on airs of culture and gentility that are not part of their real make-up.

Idealogically Promiscuous · #42 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tristanrobin

LOL - well, we just have very different life experiences. My partner lived in Portland for a long long time ... and he's not remotely swishy. He doesn't badger and say "mother fucker" and make fun of more effeminate gay people - but that's because he's a civilized man, not because he's 'swishy' LOL.

Speaking of which, I often have thought that the flamboyant attitude is not as much about being feminine, but a person putting on airs of culture and gentility that are not part of their real make-up.

This is something that I completely agree with you on. I think the acting is what bothers me more than the actual mannerisms. The most effiminate man I know is actually straight and he doesn't bother me at all, but that's because its how he really is, not some affected behavior.

Kizzume · #43 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tristanrobin

LOL - well, we just have very different life experiences. My partner lived in Portland for a long long time ... and he's not remotely swishy. He doesn't badger and say "mother fucker" and make fun of more effeminate gay people - but that's because he's a civilized man, not because he's 'swishy' LOL.

Speaking of which, I often have thought that the flamboyant attitude is not as much about being feminine, but a person putting on airs of culture and gentility that are not part of their real make-up.

I definitely agree with your last sentence.

lackluster · #44 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kizzume

But they don't do it to black people anymore or race in general anymore. Why? Because there's a general consensus that not all black people are that way. Why is that not the case with gay people? Because Houston, we have a problem: It seems as though society may still have a general assumption about gay people.

I think it's because people have visual clues when it comes to race, so that when they encounter folks who appear of that race, they encounter a wide range of personalities and behavior. With sexual orientation, the only clues they get are by behavior, and so until they actually know gay people personally, the only gay people they actually notice are those who exhibit the most flambuoyant behavior. They don't even see all the gay people around them because many are essentially invisible through the fact they don't stand out as different.

Kizzume · #45 (**permalink**) 01-09-2008, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lackluster

I think it's because people have visual clues when it comes to race, so that when they encounter folks who appear of that race, they encounter a wide range of personalities and behavior. With sexual orientation, the only clues they get are by behavior, and so until they actually know gay people personally, the only gay people they actually notice are those who exhibit the most flambuoyant behavior. They don't even see all the gay people around them because many are essentially invisible through the fact they don't stand out as different.

Good point.

KnightOfSappho · #46 (**permalink**) 01-10-2008, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lackluster

I think it's because people have visual clues when it comes to race, so that when they encounter folks who appear of that race, they encounter a wide range of personalities and behavior. With sexual orientation, the only clues they get are by behavior, and so until they actually know gay people personally, the only gay people they actually notice are those who exhibit the most flambuoyant behavior. They don't even see all the gay people around them because many are essentially invisible through the fact they don't stand out as different.

I really want to add something to that, but you said it so succinctly and perfectly, that there is nothing to say.

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